On the Day After the End
Serendipitous Disaster — “Thank God for putting death at the end of life rather than at the beginning” — woke up at 11, had a leisurely breakfast, about to clean my apt in order to sublet it and get the hell out of this city, decide to procrastinate and clean up my computer desk top, open up Application.pdf, it is the application to the New Jersey Bar, postmark needed by today — all the NYU libraries are closed — I go to Staples, print out the application, start filling it out, I know there’s a notary at my bank, it’s open until 6:00, at 4:40, on the last page of my app, where I have to come up with five individuals who can vouch for my legal integrity, I decide to go get the pages I need notarized notarized (though I had learned that maybe it would be enough to cross it out and say “declared under penalty of perjury” but not worth it), come back, finish it up, ready to go to the FedEx Office and print my addendum and mail it when I fill out my personal check and realize they don’t take personal checks — I despair, I assume the check I put in yesterday had not cleared yet. I pause for ten minutes, letting it wash over me that I had FAILED AGAIN, but then thought, maybe this failure is a gumption trap, I should at least check my account to see if it cleared and I did and it HAD, but I had lost ten minutes moping AND now the BANK was closed — what to do — but Western Union, money orders, so I find one on the internet, and I finished the application and put it on my thumb drive and grabbed the notarized sheets and went out the door and grabbed a cab and took it to 23rd St to where the internet told me was a Western Union agent, and I went there, but couldn’t find it, and despaired and walked around the block and realized that the cab had let me out on 24th St, and now here I was on 23rd St and it was a hole-in-the-wall bodega, and I had to take out the money in $100 increments, seven times, and then bought the money orders, and began walking, and walked to 6th Ave, to the FedEx Office, but it wasn’t there, but then I looked at my note on my phone and it said 6th and 18th and I was on 23rd so I kept walking, and it was about 6:30 and the last pickup for FedEx was 7:30, and I got there, and I printed out the addendum, and then I made a copy of the certifying statement (copying it upside down first so that nothing printed out – 3rd Gumption Trap of the Adventure) and filled out the wrong Fed Ex card and then filled out the right Fed Ex card and signed it around 7:00, and paid, and said thanks, and walked out the door and —
Serendipitous Disaster. Could one argue that my diligence in trying to save the day for myself signals some deep-seeded desire to become a lawyer? One would have to argue the contrary, that not looking at the application for weeks signaled a deep-seeded desire not to become a lawyer — of course there were all kinds of reasons for that, and what matters is the decision, the action —
Paperwork. There will be a lot of paperwork.
Dealt with my loans this morning too. Paperwork there too. Crushing amount. Blind my eyes.