Love, Memory

That an amnesiac will forget that he is in love with his wife — and that I remember, sometimes, that I am love with her, or her, says something about the way that an emotion is also a memory —

or is it? 

would the amnesiac feel the love he feels but simply not know its object — 

————–

to be in love is to submit to a full and overpowering wave of emotion and to become what feels to you like a more and better self 

and then to lose love, and to return to the loneliness of the sole ego, the audience of one, it feels like such diminution of being — and changing of being — who you were is gone — 

Every time I’ve lost love, it is the Me I Was I miss the most. We are made by others. The singers have it right. Without an audience, I am — not nothing — but, something else. 

——

after first love, I felt that Old Me, Striving Me, Questioning/Curious What is It Like Me, was gone. Did not return when she left. Left only sadness and heartache. 

And then second love, and something like first love, but it wasn’t, it was different — 

 

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