pulling away

Here I go now, feel myself pulling away — almost Thanksgiving, and oh I’m thankful
but is that enough to fill my empty bed? I don’t know, is it?
Once there was a black dress and soft touches
and the love is fierce and jealous, sure —

Life is hard, and I don’t want to make it harder —
I’ve been writing these notes now for going on two years —
sporadically, sure, here and there,
but still –

there are no characters in these stories
I’ve hidden them all away

And I lie here in my big red bed
alone on a Friday
(candles in the window)
America, I love you, I do
America, I love you.

Oh and the places we’ll go —
You showed me California
You gave me your heart
And sometimes I forget you
And I don’t want to forget you
But sometimes sometimess I forget you

Refractions of time; alone in the city;
my sadness could be an ocean, sure
or it could be a nothing, just anxiety in the funhouse
doubling back on itself over and over

Broken words, broken thoughts,
deep perspective,
I have death and sex in my toolbelt
what will I do tomorrow?

Terrible fear — need to get out of here out of this
hope for another life

what is the problem? what is the fear? debt? I’ll pay it back;
death — you can’t experience you’re own dying, you’re already gone –
still — so — anxiety — fear of pain — fear of loss — love —
unfulfilled, the ordinary life, it’s not enough — I am Jupiter in this body,
Semele, I am Jupiter, and I need to show you — —