The influence of gaslight or electric light on the growth of paraheliotropic trees

Charlie Chester had rolled out of bed some time between 10 and 2 that morning, checking his email on his five year old laptop (none, if it could be trusted), ate some Raisin Crunch cereal with orange juice instead of milk, thrown on a sweaty dirty t-shirt, lit a half-smoked joint, and slipped his Bob Ross VHS into the VCR and collapsed on his couch.

Approximately two hours (and seven happy trees) later, the Thong song by Sisquo started playing on Charlie’s phone. This — like always — was somewhat of a rude awakening for Charlie, who scrambled — a half-hearted scramble — to locate the device before the music stopped.