The influence of gaslight or electric light on the growth of paraheliotropic trees

bonebrushing the edges of the res interna (upper transcend)

Month: May, 2008

May 6, 2008

I shall not murder the mankind of her going

“I shall not murder the mankind of her going with a grave truth” – Dylan Thomas

and that’s the rub, aye, isn’t it, a quick blowaway and then gone, and the human mind with its ten trillion neurons, angel hair wires, seeks to make sense of it all. My uncle sits across from me, bone-thin and dying like a Auschwitz refugee — here it comes, the big reveal, where Daddy explains about the time he killed a kitty cat — I’m watching the Love Song for Bobby Long — so convinced of my own grand destiny —

the stupid story of a stolen love // the mistakes we make // the things we leave // lost // lost child // the fatal sinking mistake // the things you can’t take back // broken little body on the side of the road //

“Leave, leave and never come back.” // “I want a better man, Bobby” //

New stories. New beginnings. The things I’ve done — the things I’ve not done — no regrets, no mistakes, no nothings — read too many damn books, too many damn poems, striving pointing against the constraints of mortality — all that there is between me and my uncle is love, an eternal love that has been sanctified by his passing — a part of me rests in the grave, beyond the edge of the world, and that is ok, I realize, that sanctifies me, and bury my body at the foot of a tree and in the summer go sit beneath the shade and tell stories about me and let that be my monument — the love the love and the leaving — and take joy in what there was and comfort in my uncle’s eternal endless rest.  

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May 6, 2008

word of the day — ‘furo’

furo, n.

In Japan: (originally) a steam bath or bathhouse (in later use) = ofuro

<< To every house of any pretension to respectability there is attached an apartment called a ‘Fro’, which is fitted up with vapour-baths, and with warm and cold baths. >>

<< The bath (furo) is a pretty deep wooden tub…At its sharper end projects a small sheet-iron flue, which is connected below with a small fire apparatus, and is employed to heat the surrounding water. >>

The bath or bathhouse is traditionally a place of relaxation or entertainment in Japanese culture; Western businessmen, coming in their wooden ships and laughing in their forbidden cities — taken to a beautiful wooden inn, with warm baths — East India Company Factors — smiling faces, inscrutable Easterners, swift sunrise, close your eyes and like it — water wet, eyes tightly closed — upside down and wrongways, but the lifeforce is strong and insatiable — unyielding compulsion / boy smiles, naturally / strangeness for me, normal for him // M. Butterfly. Business done above the table, business done below it // San Francisco a colony of the Sunrise Lands, but place of our sunclipse, where the world spins out of light’s gaze, hiding, darkness // no more darkness, Stonewall riots, is it anywonder that they, the Wildeans, the men who love men, soldier-brothers, is it any wonder they have gone to old stagehouses and playhouses, to put on masks and faces and wigs and dresses, to dance and sing of falsehoods learned through three thousand years of being called an aberration — Old Father John Wesley said it, called it Abomination, but clearly, just one dial out of many, paraphiliac velvet undergroundsome, come with me to the baths, they say, crazily, chemicle lustpaths lit up by fire, hunter becomes hunted, now I am pursued, curly haired and thin occassionally I get looks — it is not for me, I’m far to shy, happy with my S.Q.S.O. — but willnot cannot pass judgment, pleasure, fun and pleasure, secret rooms, secret baths, conversations over saki —

what, a girl then, a girl to conclude business with, whatever you wish whiteman from sunset lands, whistling while the world moves on, here, is she pretty, is she young, take her to the baths and let her clean you —

almost did it — denial of own humanity that — distance from myself, my mindself, driven mad by clean soap smells on lovely softflesh — slaves to the priapic tyrant, the urge, the itch, reminds us that we are not angels, but men, with knees that bend —

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May 6, 2008

color of the day — ‘green eyes’

green eyes – sensual, friendly, successful – PANTONE 16-0224

// you are sensual and friendly and are a desired addition to any social gathering / you are fun to be around / talking and connecting with others is a favorite pastime of yours / you can be very scienfitifc or extremely creative and usually have a knack for both / your personal color helps nurture your creative talents / wearing, meditating or surrounding yourself with the color Green Eyes can help direct you toward finding your perfect mate and temper any inclinations to go to excess //

… across a crowded room, green eyes I’ve known in darkness flash and smile at me … to be known in darkness, to apprehend another’s eyes … endless depths, darkness and light … mixed and laughing … know and love me … sitting alone … once I lived on the edge of my eyes … out there looking and searching … and then finding or thinking I’ve found I stop searching … turn inwards or downwards … distracted by beauty and being loved … staring at greenleaves watching my heart grow … ivy wrapping around my heartstuff … beautiful romantic greenness … fingers and claws of slothbears … a beautiful girl smiling, with a grass woven garland … you’re my beautiful girl, NS, you are … green eyes … music in the background, ingènue … stock character, gentle sweet virgin, due to lack of independence … the male gaze and the female spectator … developing the female gaze … gives away or special pleadings … talking and connecting with others … playing with virtual chesspieces dancing around in the mindspace … ‘i’m just a girl’ … children on the train, burning youth fire and unformed faces … wait a moment and watch someone fall off the end of the world, that will put a line on your face … but we know God and God knows us … favorite american pastime, green grass, baseball pitch … standing down on the corner of royal street … these are the green green eyes, sing me a song of green green eyes, soak your shirt in the washbin and get yourself all clean …

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May 5, 2008

todo lists

wake up in the morning and do the thing hanging over your head, the thing that you most don’t want to do, etc. and hoomba; then afterwords, you can plan and play your games —

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May 5, 2008

Cardenio

“give me an empty space, and I have a stage. Give me a man walking across it, and I have a performance.” — Peter Brooks, the Empty Space, or something or other like it.

The refusal to come home — it punctuates both Quixote and Cardenio’s respective tales — the inner Cardenio, and the outer Cardenio — Sal Paradise and Dean Moriarty tilting windmills furiously like Orlando, oranges hanging from trees and shiny new strip malls — wild, man, wild, postwar excess — the V2 Megarocket hanging over our heads like the old damoclean twin-blade razor — after forty days in the desert, I return, glasses broken, bearded, with my axe across my shoulders — Nina thinks I’m boring, a slug, well that’s ok, I can dance the tango, I can twist like the stars.

Terrorists, Members of Congress. Sitting there — put the powder in the spoon, light the candle, bubbles, now breath deep and boom – catch you on the flipside, Jackson / slash slash double slash plusgood — slip my silver key into my electric horse and go rocketing down the highway, into the great greeny beltlands of the American Southland, where Electric Jesus sings and dances, and they’ve got electric chairs atop their steeples, and the deep dark memories of racewars are emblazoned in our jeans and instincts — everything we are, shaped by the simple force of not having died — we are the some total of all those that did not die — I am the Alpha and the Omegacon, I am the transforming biobot, we are the great nanomachine society ringing ringing ringing in my ears – ringing ringing ringing in my ears — nano nano bot bot nano nano bot bot — boom fall up down boom fall up down — sentences, thought, silence, picture walking, the planes zoom up and here we sit together on the water, it’s bigger than a paddle-boat, bigger than a paddle-boat, rise and fall and up and down — paddling through the waters, sprinkle some water on me — oh, let it rain on me, let it all come down —

 

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