published once online elsewhere
My first published piece of my adult life is on Angie Smith’s myspace page. I wrote it many years ago, when I was coming down from my Elsewhere trip, but it spoke to a moment I had one evening sophomore year, when everything was falling apart. I had recently become highly engaged in a few new things; once, I got high, sat in the corner of our living room, and realized I was, for a minute there, losing myself.
What was this Abyss, surrounded by The Stuff I Liked? Was this the place where souls are rumored to lie? It seemed empty. Vanities, they call it.
Perhaps it was the smoke, obliberating my self. Also, it was a dark period, there is no denying that.
Here is what I wrote:
Every once in awhile it’s useful to remember that you are not your car, your clothes, your books, your music. The Ego is a Crazy Little Thing, and it’s easy to let it expand and encompass these things and thus erase that cold line between Self and World. It is comforting – but it is also comforting to remember the truth, that we are naked primates, huddled together for warmth, alone in our experiences and all the rest is dead wood crowding up our minds. When we remember that, maybe we won’t fear the brush fire.
For what it’s worth.